I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
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