The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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