Plan B is the new Plan A
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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