I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
