You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
