Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
