I wish I could teleport
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
