I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
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