my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
