grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
