He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
