this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
