you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
