i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize