dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
