have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
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Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
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Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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