you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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