im about as happy as oj after his trial
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
My bed smells like the plague
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
