you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Is this like a preordered booty call?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
