In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
