I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
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Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
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Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober