i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME