Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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