I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
