Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
