True but thats because hes a fetus.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
