im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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