so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
