these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I think my fart just growled at me.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
