i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Randomize
