Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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