She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
