You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
