the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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