i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
