Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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