In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
