i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
