and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
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She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
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So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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