i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
