I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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