Sry I called you an 8
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you win again, gameday.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
