Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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