somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
