Having a random hookup so left but love u
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
even my farts smell like vagina
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
