Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I intend to get homeless drunk
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
