Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
