I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I wish you could order shots online.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
