I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
