remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
