I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
