five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Randomize
