I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
