these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
