i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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