I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
