i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
