Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
either way he was missing a nipple.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
