herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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