R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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