I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
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I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
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GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
You don't make any sense
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