i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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