She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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