The maid of honor just puked.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
