I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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