My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
