somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i already hear my dad disowning me
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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