You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
