Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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